This Place Sucks
by blueskydog
Summary: Rosa finds creative ways to deal with life behind bars. Luckily, she has Amy to keep her on track. If only the same could be said for Amy. Takes place before and during the first few episodes of Season 5.
1. Chapter 1

_I_ _got a phone._

Who is this? Sorry, I don't have your number in my contacts.

_It's Rosa_

_Diaz_

Oh my god

Rosa?

_Yeah_

How did you get a phone?  
How did you remember my number?  
Was mine the only one you remembered?  
Is it because we're so close?  
Or because you keep losing my number and having to ask me for it to type it into your contacts again?

_I remember your number because you paid like a hundred dollars to change it_ _ ASANTIAGO_

Oh. Right.  
Well, that just makes it easy for people to reach me.  
Like right now. So it works.  
How did you get a phone?

_I stole it from another inmate_

Isn't that kind of risky? Aren't you afraid they'll shiv you?

_They did_

Are you okay?

_I'm always okay_

Well, I'm not sure I believe that, but you're texting me, so at least I know your hands work, so you've got that going for you.  
Okay well I just can't imagine you're okay after something like that.

_It only bled a little_

That's rough

_Well it's jail so_

Right. Sorry.  
It's great to hear from you. We miss you. We tried to see you on visiting day but they wouldn't let us.

_Yeah I got my privileges revoked for the month_

What for?

_For beating the crap out of my cell mate_

Oh.

_Sorry. I forgot you're squeamish._

I'm not squeamish. I'm a cop. I see violence every day.  
Besides, it's not like you sent me pictures.

_Want me to?_

No thank you.


	2. Chapter 2

_Sorry I had to go. It was lights out and even at 0% brightness you can see this thing from like a mile away._

It's that dark?

_Well it's jail so_

Right.

_You heard anything from Jake?_

We saw him once. Charles, Gina and I went to visit. He's okay. Or at least he's acting like he's okay.

_I'm glad you got to see him._

Ha, you do feel things.

Sorry was that out of line?

I was trying to joke around.

Like we used to.

I just miss you.

_Yeah. Same_

Aww.

_Stop it._

Sorry.


	3. Chapter 3

How are you doing?

_Fine_

Like actually okay fine or you're just saying fine so we won't worry about you?

_Fine because I'm always fine_

Well, I don't believe that.

_What do you want me to say?  
This place sucks  
The food is crap  
The people are either territorial jerks or wimps who get upset over a little broken nose_

You should probably stop beating people up.

_I know. It's a problem._

Is it mostly self-defense or do you start it?

_Both. Sometimes people are dumb enough to get in my way and sometimes they're dumb enough to think they can beat me._

Wow, sounds like a lot of dumb.

_Yeah. It's rough. I miss being with smart people_

Like us?

Please don't stop talking again because I said something vaguely emotional.

_Fine.  
Yes.  
Like you._


	4. Chapter 4

Thought it was time to provide a little context.  
This story will be told primarily through text messages between Amy and Rosa, with a few exceptions. Most of the chapters are short so I'll try to update a few times a week if it seems like people are reading.  
I have most of it mapped out, but these ladies have a lot to say, so if anyone has ideas of conversations these two might have, let me know in the comments!

* * *

How are you doing?

_Things don't change much around here._  
_I did get a new cell mate though._

Did you beat up the old one?

_Nah, she got exonerated. Lucky her._

Yes, she gets to go home.

_Oh, right, that, but also she was getting on my nerves and I was pretty close to beating her up_

Oh, dear.


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you to the lovely anonymous reviewer; your review made my day! Thank you for reading!_

* * *

_Hey_

Hey Rosa, what's up?

_Nothing. Just bored._

What kinds of things are there to do there?

_Well there's chores and stuff but they don't usually take long so it's a lot of sitting around_

Do they have a library?

_I have no idea_

Oh. Okay.

_You think that's something I should know don't you_

No, not really.

How can you not know if there's a library?

_Ha, I knew it_

Is there something you wanted to say?

_No. I'm just bored_

I'm not sure how I can help with that

_What's going on at the nine-nine?_

It's kind of a mix between normal and everyone going crazy over your case.  
Like we'll be sitting in the break room eating lunch and talking about a B&E and then someone will be like "Jake would have done this" or "Rosa would have said that."

_What kinds of things do people think I'd say?_

Varies, depending on the conversation.  
Why?

_Like I said. I'm bored._

Sure, okay.  
We miss you too.

_Oh look it's dish duty time bye_


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry for the delay in posting. The universe decided to be amusing and send me to the emergency room of the hospital I'd been born in exactly 24 years ago.  
If you're reading this please consider commenting ^.^ Reviews are not only love but also helpful to my creative process! Knowing what people think about my writing helps me improve!

* * *

How are you doing?

_You should come up with a better opening line_

Like what?

_Just say hey_

Okay.  
Hey.

_Hey what_

You told me to say that.

_And you listened  
It was funny_

Are you making fun of me?

_I'm trying to make the best of a bad situation_

Well, if it helps you not beat people up, I guess I can take it.  
So…

_So what?_

You still haven't said how you're doing.

_I mean pretty much the same_

So, crappy food, dumb people, no visits to the library?

_You're still on about the library?_

I just think this would be a good opportunity for you to get into literature.

_I am into literature_

Really?  
What do you like to read?

_Murder mysteries_

Oh.

_What did you expect?  
Bird watching anthologies?_

Why would that be the first example you give?  
Are you into bird watching?

_No_

Sure.

_Don't make stuff up. It makes you look ridiculous when you find out you're wrong._

Well I'm not always wrong.  
I have a sense about people.

_I don't watch birds_

Okay.

_For real_

Why are you getting so defensive about it?

_I'm channeling my aggression  
Like you said, better than beating people up_

Oh.

_You really hoped I was secretly a bird watcher didn't you?_

No.  
That would be silly.

_Right_

Sarge just called me. Talk later.

_Have fun_

I probably won't, but you know. Duty calls.  
Take care okay?

_Sure_


	7. Chapter 7

Hey, so, Charles is worried about your dog.

I know you want to keep everything in your life a secret but it would help to know where he is or at least if he's okay.

_He's in a safe house_

Of course.  
A safe house.  
For a dog.

_You think I'd just leave him alone and defenseless?_

No, of course not, I just wasn't thinking it would be so elaborate.

_He's with my sister_

I thought you didn't talk to your sister.

_I don't_

So, what, did you just leave Arlo on her front step or something?

_Of course not  
She lives in an apartment. I tied his leash to her door handle_

Does she have any idea who he is?

_I put a note on his collar_

The old baby on the back stoop trick.

_What?_

You know, all those stories about little old couples who find babies on their back stoop?  
The baby's in a basket with a little note that says, "Please take me as your own, my family can no longer care for me"?

_That's the saddest thing ever  
Is that what happened to you?_

No!  
Why would you say that?

_I just feel like it would explain a lot_

A lot like what?

Rosa?

What kinds of things would it explain?


	8. Chapter 8

Another long wait! My world is deciding to be very humorous. I left my laptop charger with my brother who lives 45 minutes away, so I had to wait until we fund a time where we were both free for me to make the drive to pick it up. That took us almost a week. Then, the next day, the power went out! It's like something didn't want me to post last week.

Anyway, here's the next bit. Hope you like it (and take a minute to review :) )

* * *

_So how's Arlo doing?_

Isn't he with your sister?

_Yeah, but I'm assuming after our conversation you looked her up, found her address, went to her place, and made up some excuse to visit my dog_

Okay, fine, Charles and I went over. I'll have you know though that it was part of a door-knocking assignment because there had been noise complaints nearby.

_How close nearby?_

Close.  
Like a few doors down.  
Or blocks.

_Right  
So how is he?_

We didn't get to spend too much time there but he came to the door with your sister and she let us pet him. He seemed fine. Charles said it was clear by the sheen of his coat that he was eating well.

_Charles would say that_

Your sister said he keeps looking at the door most of the day like he's waiting.

Is that too sad?

Did I make you sad?

_No_

Is there anything you'd like me to do?

_Like what?_  
Send him a message?  
I haven't had the time to teach him how to read yet

I don't know, like pet him in his special spot or something.

_That's dumb_

_But if there's ever a noise complaint in that area again, you could scratch his belly or something  
Just see what happens_

Sure.  
We'll let you know what happens.


	9. Chapter 9

How's it going?

_Oh you know_

I was in prison for like a week and it was all staged, so I don't really know

_You watch cop shows right?_

Yeah.  
Is it like that?

_Kind of_

I hear a lot of them aren't very accurate.

_They leave out a lot of the sitting around waiting for people to start trouble_

Does trouble happen a lot?

_In my block yeah_

Are you a lot of the trouble?

_I'll not confirm or deny that_

Whatever you say.

_Gotta go now_

Go start trouble?  
I'm kidding

_Ha ha_

I miss that laugh.

Take care okay?

_Sure_


	10. Chapter 10

How are you doing?

Sorry, I know you don't like that.

What's something else I can ask?

Visiting day is soon—did you get your privileges back? Charles and I are going to try and make it.

Rosa?

We haven't heard from you in a while.

Are you okay?

It's been a few days. We're worried.

Are you okay?

I'm going to stop texting now in case you lost the phone or I'm compromising your situation somehow but I want to say that we all miss you and love you so much and really really hope you're okay.


	11. Chapter 11

Hello, hello, hello. I have not been the best at updating. Here y'all are. Sorry for the wait! Please consider dropping a word or two in the comments :)

* * *

_Hey_

Oh thank god.  
Rosa?

_Yeah_

Are you okay?

_I'm good_

What happened?

_I was in solitary_

For the whole week?

_Yeah_

Why?

_I started a riot_

Why?

_Dumb bitches be dumb_

Are you calling yourself dumb or the entire rest of the jail?

_What do you think?_

Sorry, stupid question.  
So they put you in solitary?  
The whole week?

_Yeah_

I'm so sorry.

_Wasn't fun_

Are you okay?

_I think I answered that_

Sorry, I just worry.

_Stop being sorry._

Sorry.

_Amy._

Right.

_So are you embarrassed about all that love you miss you stuff?_

No.  
Why would I be?  
Are you?

_It's just you know love stuff emotions_

How articulate.

_You know I'm not good at this_

You've come a long way in the past few years. I'm really proud of you for that.

_I'm going to turn the phone off now_

N  
*No  
I'm sorry  
I'll stop.

_Okay.  
But for real it's lunch time now_

Okay. Take care.

_Sure  
And thanks_

What?

You're welcome.


	12. Chapter 12

OH MY GOODNESS it never takes me this long to update. Especially because the whole thing is done and it's literally just a matter of me copy-and-pasting into a text box. Grad school is kicking my butt. Sooo sorry. But here you go. Gonna try to keep it up this time!

* * *

Did you start any riots today?

_Ha ha_

I know you think it's other people's fault for being dumb, but I have to ask, were you just trying to be cool?

_I don't try to be cool. I am cool._

Of course you are.

How did you keep the phone hidden the whole time you were in solitary?

_I kept it in the same place I always do_

Where?

_You want to be an accessory to my crime?_

I'm already engaged in illegal contact with a prisoner.

_So you're saying like what's one more misdemeanor?_

I guess so…

_I think you don't want to know_

Fine.


	13. Chapter 13

So there's grad school, there's the fact that I've been wickedly sick for about a month, and ridiculous weather. Those are my excuses.  
School ends in two weeks so hopefully I will be able to start posting regularly again!

* * *

Rosa! Jake got a phone!

_That's awesome. Good for Jake_

Rosa?  
Are you being sarcastic?

_Why would I be sarcastic?_

Your text just came across as sarcastic.

_I didn't mean that  
How am I supposed to not sound sarcastic if I just type what I want to say and you read it as sarcastic?_

Well, it's hard to express emotion through text. It takes a strategic use of punctuation.

_Strategic use of punctuation? That's like the most Santiago thing ever_

…Thanks?

_Oh, I get it  
You used the punctuation to make it sound like you were feeling something  
I can try again  
Amy, that's great!  
That's awesome Jake found a phone!_

There you go!

_I'm so happy!_

Thanks, Rosa.

_This is great!_

Okay, I think you're overdoing it a little.

_…sorry._

You just need some practice. If you want I can come up with a little cheat sheet that you can study.

_Will the exam be multiple choice or short answer?_

Okay, that WAS sarcasm.

_Yes. It was._


	14. Chapter 14

Is this real life? A timely update?

7 days, 2 readings, 4 discussion posts, and 10 pages away from being halfway done with my Master's Degree!

* * *

Is your phone capable of making video calls?

_I think so  
Why?_

Jake and I had a video call last night. When I told him you got a phone he asked if we could have a group call.

_Lame_

He misses you too.

_Still lame_

That term is insensitive, actually. Its historical roots in derogatory reference to the disabled community are being brought to light and dismantling it, along with several other antiquated and similarly offensive words, is part of the battle for equality. Progress is not just about laws, it's about language too.

_Fine, whatever. You just have to find a reasonable replacement_

Irritating, frustrating, obnoxious, rude...

_That's rude_

Oh my gosh Rosa  
Do you want this group call or not?

_My phone can do video so yeah I'm down_

Cool. It won't be until tomorrow. Jake says he's all wrapped up in one of his schemes and doesn't have time today.

_Rude_

There you go.


	15. Chapter 15

My dearest and sincerest apologies for such a long delay. Hopefully a longer chapter will make up for it.  
Hope you are all doing well during these tough times.

* * *

[You are receiving a video call from ASANTIAGO.]

_*Accept*_

JAKE: Rosa, Rosa Rosa Rooooosaaa-

ROSA: Sing that song again and I will reach through this screen and shove the broken glass down your throat.

JAKE: Why do I somehow think that is actually a physical possibility?

AMY: Come on, you two, you haven't seen each other in forever and this is how you greet each other?

ROSA: I think you misjudged the nature of our relationship.

JAKE: Fine. Rosa, it's simply lovely to see your face during this bleak time in our lives.

ROSA: Likewise.

AMY: Now you're making fun of me.

JAKE: Look, Amy, she's smiling.

ROSA: No I'm not.

JAKE: Yes you are.

AMY: Oh my god, you are.

ROSA: You're seeing things. It must be the lighting.

JAKE: I can hear it in your voice.

ROSA: Fine. I miss you. That's all. I'm going to hang up now.

AMY: Please don't! We miss you too.

JAKE: Yes. I miss being around you.

ROSA: You miss me fighting your battles for you.

JAKE: No. Yes. Okay. I admit here are several butts in here I'd love for you to kick. Not that I couldn't do it myself. I've just been busy doing other badass-y things so I don't have time to waste kicking other people's butts.

ROSA: Right.

AMY: I think you both need to chill out and just lie low for a little while. You're drawing too much attention to yourselves.

JAKE: Says the one who continually crossed the line during her stint in the clink.

AMY: That was an undercover operation. I was drawing people out. I could abort at any time.

JAKE: Poor choice of words since you were carrying my fake child.

AMY: Who says it was your child?

JAKE: You cheated on me?

ROSA: This is better than watching the kids across the hall make out.

AMY: Ew.

JAKE: What, are you against girl-on-girl action?

AMY: No, I think prison sex is inappropriate.

ROSA: There's a lot of inappropriate stuff here.

JAKE: Right on.

ROSA: It's jail, so.

AMY: I'm sorry.

ROSA: I told you to stop saying sorry.

JAKE: How's the food at your place, Rosa?

ROSA: Terrible.

JAKE: Is your mush brown or grey?

ROSA: Tan.

JAKE: I can't imagine that flavor.

ROSA: Yours has flavor?

JAKE: Is it flavor if it has no scent but makes you gag?

ROSA: Pro tip: when you're on kitchen duty, replace the skim milk with almond.

JAKE: Charles taught you well.

ROSA: Take that back.

JAKE: I don't think my place has almond milk. Too many nut allergies.

ROSA: We had a kid go into anaphylactic shock because there was turmeric in the meat sauce. Who is allergic to turmeric?

JAKE: At least you get turmeric.

AMY: Are you two seriously comparing the grossness of your food?

ROSA: There's not much else to talk about.

AMY: You were both in solitary.

JAKE: Solitaire buddies! What did you do?

ROSA: I started a riot. What did you do?

JAKE: I spat a lemon cookie in a guard's face.

ROSA: Right on.

AMY: Stop. This isn't funny.

ROSA: You're right, it isn't funny. This is one of the most miserable situations I've ever been in, and I went on a fake Jamaican-themed date with Boyle.

JAKE: Rough.

AMY: I just wish there was something I could do for you guys.

JAKE: Babe, you've been there for me this entire time. Even when we're not talking or in the same room together, you've been with me in my heart.

AMY: Aww, babe.

ROSA: I think I just threw up in my mouth.

JAKE: Killjoy.

ROSA: Funny, the girl I beat up was named Joy.

AMY: Did you kill her?

ROSA: No.

JAKE: You sound disappointed.

ROSA: Prison gets to you.

JAKE: Don't I know it.

AMY: I feel so bad.

ROSA: Amy, like Jake said, you've been here for us. You could have been a stickler like you always are and refused to be in contact with a couple of inmates, but instead you decided to break the rules for like the first time in your life and keep in touch with us to make this sucky time in our lives a little less sucky.

JAKE: I wish I was recording this.

AMY: Rosa, that's so nice.

ROSA: Okay I'm hanging up now.

AMY and JAKE: No!

ROSA: Fine.

AMY: I'll just have you know I do break the rules sometimes. In kindergarten I made my tree orange instead of green when we were in the middle of our spring unit.

ROSA: Your kindergarten had units?

AMY: Well, we had themes.

JAKE: You're adorable.

AMY: _You're_ adorable.

ROSA: Barf.

AMY: Stop it.

ROSA: Fine.

JAKE: You're just jealous because Pimento hasn't called you.

AMY: Jake, uncalled for.

ROSA: It's fine. We don't have that kind of relationship.

AMY: You're okay going weeks without talking?

ROSA: No, we have a psychic connection that allows us to mentally bone each other.

JAKE: That's amazing.

ROSA: I was joking.

JAKE: I knew that. But that would be totally awesome.

AMY: It kind of would.

ROSA: You two are weird.

JAKE: Damn, I think I have to go now. I hear someone coming.

AMY: Okay. Be safe. Love you.

JAKE: Love you more.

AMY: Love you mostest.

ROSA: Bye Jake.

JAKE: It was great seeing your face again, Rosa.

ROSA: Same.

JAKE: Title of your sex tape.

ROSA: The title of my sex tape is "same"?

JAKE: I don't know, I just wanted to fit it in somehow. So far there haven't been any openings.

ROSA: Try harder next time.

JAKE: Ha! THAT'S the title of your sex tape.

AMY: Oh for pete's sake.

JAKE: No takebacks. Jake out.

_[Jake has left the conversation]_

ROSA: I should go too.

AMY: Okay. I'm glad we could make this work.

ROSA: It was a good idea.

AMY: Risky, but good.

ROSA: Bye, Amy.

AMY: Bye. Take care.

ROSA: Sure.

_[Video call end]_

* * *

_there has been a slight edit in this chapter thanks to the feedback from an anonymous reviewer. Credit where credit is due: title of your sex tape. lol._


	16. Chapter 16

I talked to Charles about the food thing and he offered to give you some tips for your next kitchen duty to make things taste better.

_That's nice of him. But I got banned from the kitchen._

What did you do this time?

_I started a fire_

On purpose?

_Maybe_

Diaz…

_More strategic use of punctuation?_

What happened?

_This guard was pissing me off so I threw some grease on the stove_

Oh, dear.

_Then some dumb-dumb decided to throw water on it_

That's kitchen 101! Never throw water on a grease fire! That will only splash the flaming grease. You need to use baking soda.

_No one here knew that. It was funny watching them run around looking for the fire extinguisher_

And you just stood there laughing at them, didn't you?

_Maybe_

Did you get in trouble?

_I made it look like an accident_

No solitary?

_Nope_

Did you lose your privileges again?

_Yep_

I'm sorry.

_Stop_

Sorry.  
I mean not sorry.  
I mean how are things?  
Aside from that.

_Same old same old_

Did you beat anyone up this week?

_Not yet_

Well that's progress, right?

_It's boring, that's what it is_

You're learning how to survive without taking it out on other people.

_Or maybe I just get tired of being the alpha_

Uh, no, you'd never get tired of that.

_Maybe I'm tired of getting forks thrown at me _

I think you're tired of missing visiting days.  
Because you don't get to see us.

_Maybe_

I guess that's as close to an affirmative as I'm ever going to get.

_Definitely_


	17. Chapter 17

Hey Diaz, it's Gina Linetti. I stole Amy's phone.

_Hello Gina Linetti  
Why did you steal Amy's phone?_

It was just sitting there like begging me to save it from Amy's mundane existence

_And you decided to text me, out of everyone else you could spam?_

Who says I only texted you?

_Fair enough_

Jake and I happen to go way back, and it's a tad annoying that everyone is focusing purely on his relationship with Amy. It's like they're the center of this operation or something. I don't appreciate the way everyone acts like they're the co-stars of some Thursday night crime show.  
No one is acknowledging all the effort I've been putting into solving this case.

_What have you been doing?_

Well little miss nosy, I happen to be working for two, which means I put twice as much effort into everything I do

_I don't think that's how pregnancy works_

Excuse me, have you ever been with child?

_Can't say I have_

Once you experience the miracle of life by way of growing a new person within your womb, we can talk

_We're talking now_

God I miss our office banter

_You must be hormonal, you don't usually admit to enjoying people's company_

What are you talking about? I'm the nicest, most genuine person in the entire precinct. That's why everyone always comes to me with their troubles. I'm like the Pope of this place

_I appreciate the lack of periods at the ends of your texts_

Oh, yeah, Amy's pretty OCD about that isn't she?

_Aren't you going on maternity leave soon?_

Eh, I'm sticking around until this thing physically pops out of me

_Why?_

You think my rent pays itself?

_I thought Jake pays your rent, since you're his landlord_

And where is Jake right now?

_Right_

Shackles do not a tenant make  
Oops I better go now, I accidentally texted that to Jake and now he's having a cow

_Ha_

I can almost hear your laughter emanating through the tiny text on my screen

_Lame_

Bye Diaz

_Bye Linetti. Thanks for the chat_

You're welcome, duh


	18. Chapter 18

Did Gina text me from my phone yesterday?

_Why do you ask?_

Because she forgot to delete the one that says "this is Gina Linetti, I stole Amy's phone."

_Ha_

What did you two talk about?

_Nothing much  
It was nice to hear from someone else on the team_

Someone else?  
Like instead of me?

_No  
I mean like it's nice to hear from others and not just you_

Just me?

_Why are you being like that?_

I mean, you're the one that started this whole thing. YOU texted ME. I could have ignored it or reported you like a good cop but I didn't.

_What's the matter with you today?_

I'm probably the only one who would check up on you this much and deal with your moodiness and lack of punctuation.

_Yeah, you probably are_

So I'm sorry if that's just not enough for you right now

_What is going on?_

Nothing.

_Are you actually mad at me or is there something else?_

_Okay, don't say anything._

_I guess we'll talk later._


	19. Chapter 19

Hey, Rosa

_Hey_

I'm sorry about yesterday

_Yeah?_

I guess I was just upset.

_No kidding_

Be nice to me. I'm going through a lot, too.  
I know I'm not in jail, so I don't have as good an excuse to be depressed and vulnerable, but this has been really rough for me emotionally and I'm not handling it very well.

_Who says I'm vulnerable?_

That's what you got out of it?

_Sorry_

_It sounds like things are touch for you  
*tough_

Taking more empathy classes with Captain Holt?

_Maybe. Or maybe it's the court-mandated psych evaluations I've been forced to have after losing so many cell mates to various circumstances_

I think I know a few of those circumstances, and I'm not too sure I want to know any more.

_You probably don't_

So anyway, sorry for being so mean.

_You call that mean?  
Amy, that was like a bunny stomping its foot_

Great, so now I'm not even mean enough for you?

_I'm just saying, I think you're handling this better than you think_

I drank strawberry milk last night.

_Ooh, that's rough_

Yeah. I know.  
It made me think of Jake.

_I didn't know he drank strawberry milk_

I don't think he does.  
Which is why it made me think of him.  
Because I thought about whether or not he liked to drink it.

_Okay…_

More strategic use of punctuation.

_Ha_

I really miss you.  
Be nice and say it back.

_Fine. _

You didn't say it.

_Yes I did_

You just said "fine."  
Is that as good as I'm going to get?

_Fine  
I miss you  
I miss all of you_

Thanks, Rosa.

_Sure_

I know things are hard for you, so I'm sorry to bother you with all my little insecurities.

_I keep telling you not to be sorry  
I'd rather you talk to me about that stuff than not text me at all_

_Delete that_

No way.

_I said it in a moment of weakness  
I haven't eaten yet today and you got me all sentimental and gross  
You can't hold this against me_

Too late. I took a screenshot.

_You're going to print it for your scrapbook aren't you?_

I don't have a scrapbook.

_Right_

Okay fine, I don't have a scrapbook, I have seven.

_You're going to tell me what each one is aren't you_

I have three for the Nine-Nine—one of my favorite cases, one of all our non-work-related adventures, and one of the various layout transitions our floor has gone through; two for my family—one pre-my birth, and one post-my birth; one of all the cool places I've been; and one of Jake's and my dates so far.

_Which one is this screenshot going in?  
Or are you making a new scrapbook just for this?_

I haven't decided yet.

_I guess if giving you fodder for your dumb art projects helps you feel better, I regret saying that a little less_

You are being so sweet right now.

_Like I said. I haven't eaten  
No more screenshots_

Fine.

_You're still taking screenshots aren't you_

You can't prove that.

_That means yes_

You should go eat something.

_Dinner isn't for two hours_

Well, make sure you eat all the food groups when you get there.

_Who keeps track of those?_

Can you get mail where you're at?

_Why?_

I want to send you some literature on healthy eating.

_That's not going to help much here_

I can put Charles on the phone.

_No. I don't want his hair to start falling out._

I've talked to him about you a few times and he's been okay.

_Good. He can't pull off the bald look_

He misses you too.

_Sure_

We all do.

_Okay_

_Is there something I should say to that?_

I think you've already said a lot of things today that embarrass you.

_I don't get embarrassed_

So what was all that about wanting me to delete your texts?

_There's a difference between being embarrassed and wanting to retain your reputation_

As a stone-cold bitch?

_Exactly_

Come on, we've been working with you long enough to see past that.

_Then I've already failed_

Come on, Diaz. I think we know each other well enough that you don't have to put on a face with me.

_That's what I've been doing this entire time_

Sure you have.

_You're infuriating_

I know.

_I can almost hear your smirk_

Then I've succeeded.

_Stop being so smug_

Never. I'll relish this moment for eternity.

_Stop taking screenshots_

I'm not.  
Okay fine I am.  
There's nothing you can do about it.

Sorry that was mean.

_Don't be sorry  
I'm actually a little impressed_

"Don't be sorry, I'm actually a little impressed," title of your sex tape.

_Don't get carried away_

Sorry. I tried.


	20. Chapter 20

Start any fires this week?

Sorry, that was dumb.

I'm still trying to come up with greetings that don't annoy you.

And ways to backpedal without saying sorry.

And you're not texting back.

I hope you're not in solitary again.

_I wasn't_

Are you okay?

I know you hate it when I ask that.

Just say yes or no.

Did you lose the phone?

_No_

Did someone take it?

_No_

Did the battery die?

_No_

Come to think how have you been charging it?  
Not important, I get it.  
So no solitary, didn't lose the phone. Were you just tired?

_No_

Busy?

_No_

You're not getting annoyed with me. That means you feel sorry for me for some reason.  
Since you're the one in jail, it's hard for me to come up with a reason why you would feel sorry for me instead of vice versa.  
Also, you have no way of knowing what's going on with me unless I tell you, and as far as I know I haven't said anything to make you feel sorry for me recently.  
Or do you have another source?

_No_

Okay.  
So it's not me.  
And you're not telling me because you don't want me to know.  
You think I'm going to freak out about something.  
And you feel sorry for me in advance because you don't want me to freak out.  
Did something happen to you?

_Nice detective work_

So I'm right?  
Something happened?  
What happened?

I promise I won't freak out.

_Yes you will, you just won't text your reaction_.

Okay, so it must be really bad if you think my reaction will be strong enough that I won't be able to text it.

Tell me what the hell happened.

ROSA DIAZ

_I was in the infirmary_

What for?

Were you sick?  
Did the crappy food finally make you sick?

_I got shivved again_

You weren't afraid to tell me last time you got shivved.

It was worse this time wasn't it?

_I'm fine now_

But you weren't responding for like days

So it must have been bad

There's not a lot that will hold you back

_You stopped using periods at the end of your texts_

You were right. I'm freaking out.

_There's no reason to freak out. I'm fine_

But obviously you weren't  
For a significant amount of time

_I just left the phone in the cell and couldn't get to it while I was in there_

So you were in there for days

_Just two_

Two days.

_Yeah just two_

How did you get shivved again?  
and don't you dare just say bitches be dumb

_Bitches here don't like cops_

So you're being targeted.  
You can tell them that.  
If you're being targeted you can ask to be moved to a safer location.

_That won't work_

You're too proud to try aren't you?

_No, I did try. I'm not stupid._

So what happened?

_The guards here aren't too thrilled with me either because of all the trouble I've caused_  
_They basically said I had it coming_

That's the dumbest thing ever

You're in danger

_I'm fine_

It's getting worse

_No one's going to do it again_

How do you know?  
Did you beat up the person who did it?

_Not yet_

_You're not telling me not to_

I kind of want you to  
Are they going to get consequences?

_No one saw it happen so I can't prove it_

Was it just some random person?

_My cellmate_

_She got me while I was asleep_

_You're freaking out aren't you_

_Stop freaking out_

_Are you hyperventilating like you do?_

_Remember to breathe_

I'm breathing

_Remember to use periods at the ends of your texts_

You don't.

_Yeah coz I'm a cool person_

_Okay you are freaking out because you didn't get all mad when I said that_

What if she does it again? You share a cell. She could get you whenever she wants.

_I told her if she does it again I'll break her_

Good.

_Wow_  
_You're advocating violence_

I'm advocating you standing up for yourself

_I always do_

I'm so angry for you

_Not at me?_

You're the one that got shivved

_I had it coming_

No you didn't

_I kind of did_

Stop it. You're not even guilty. You've been wrongfully imprisoned. It's not fair.

_A lot of stuff isn't fair. Life sucks_.

It shouldn't.

_Well it does_

We should do something.

_I told you, I tried_

I can call them

_And what?_  
_What could you say that would change their minds?_

I don't know. I'll come up with something.  
Targeting, racial profiling, the injustice of the justice system

_The flawed justice system didn't cause this, Hawkins did. We were framed. Hella convincingly. Anyone would have given us a guilty verdict._

Why are you being so dark and resigned all of a sudden?

_I'm tired_

You want to rest?

Are you still hurt?

_I'm fine_

Stop saying that. You are not fine.  
You and Jake keep getting yourselves into so much shit. You need to stop.

_What did Jake do now?_

This isn't about him. This is about you.

_I'm done talking about me_

We need to fix this. I'm tired of waiting.

_There's nothing we can do but ride it out_

For how long?

How long is this going to take?

I just want you to be okay.

_I'm fine_

STOP SAYING THAT

_I knew you were going to freak out. That's why I didn't want to tell you anything._

Well it's too late, you can't take it back.

I just realized how mean I sound right now.  
I'm sorry.

I'm just making things worse, aren't I?

_A little_

I'm sorry.

_Don't be sorry_

I can't help it

_I need to sleep now_

Okay.  
We love you.

Take care okay?

_Whatever_


	21. Chapter 21

HELLO FRIENDS!  
First off THANK YOU to everyone who's stuck around despite the fact that I am super horrible at updating. Now that my semester is finally over and I have regular work hours again, I promise I will update more regularly now.  
Before we proceed I want to put out some feelers. I know how this is going to end and have the last few chapters planned out. I think there are like 7 more. But I'm not sure I'm ready to be done yet.  
This is a chapter that was prompted by a comment someone left asking for more convos with Rosa and Jake. Which gave me an idea: would people be interested in submitting suggestions for conversations that I might then add to the story?  
If this idea takes off I may find a way to make the story last longer even though it has a plot-type ending.  
Let me know in the comments what you think and I'll plan how to proceed. In the meantime, here's a quick interlude.

* * *

Rosa!

_Who is this_

It's Jake!

_Oh hey_

Is that all you have to say to me?

_What else would I say?_

Like hi Jake, I miss you, you're my best friend, I can't wait to see you when we finally get out of here.

_Well you just said it all so_

Took the words right out of your mouth?  
Or screen idk  
Fingers because you type with them  
Keyboard?  
Help me out here

_Tbh I totally lost track of what you're saying_

Whatever then. So, what's new?

_Doesn't Amy tell you everything?_

Well when we talk we mostly talk about me

_Right_

Because you know

_Yeah_

And the things we talk about are kind of private

_Okay_

As in sexy

_I get it_

You know how it goes

_I think we established that I do  
Please don't elaborate on this_

Fine, I'll just say it's the bomb

_I'm deleting this entire conversation_

RUDE

_So what made you decide to text me all of a sudden_

Amy's not answering :p

_So I'm your fallback?_

It's not like you ever text ME

_I don't have your number_

Yeah you do, from the group call

_Oh right_

We should do that again

_Why?_

I miss your face

_It's hard to find time and space to do that. There's almost always someone here._

True

_Sorry man_

It's not like I don't get it.

_Well you are kind of oblivious sometimes_

No, I'm not, and I'm not just saying that because I don't know what oblivious means and am not able to look it up

_Too bad we don't get wifi in jail_

Yeah, it's the 21st century people, get with the times

_Downright unacceptable _

I'll lodge an official complaint

_I demand to speak to the manager_

NO ONE CARES KAREN

_lol_

do you think we'll get to do this again?

_What?_

You know, office banter

_What is it with everyone and office banter  
besides, yes, it's not like we're in here for life_

I just hope I get out in time to meet my grandchildren

_Okay how do you expect to have grandchildren in the first place if you're in jail and Amy is out there_

A guy can dream

_Of what? Immaculate conception?_

Duuuuuuuude  
Actually scratch that, it's no fun getting the goods without doing the deed first

_You're so weird_

Yeah whatever

_Okay I'm turning my phone off now_

Why?

_Because I don't want to accidentally get sent what you are probably going to send Santiago within the next five minutes_

Uh what gave you that idea

_Same thing that gave you that idea_

[a comment from JAKE has been deleted]

_Oh my god Jake_

Sorry.


	22. Chapter 22

Okay so this time it wasn't entirely my fault. My laptop just stopped working so i had to go get it fixed. In the meantime I'm using my old laptop, which doesn't work as well and for some reason locked me out of Word, and it took me this long to figure out how to open up the document with this story so I can post the chapters. I promise I will not abandon this! I appreciate everyone who's stuck around through it all! Also I can't believe I've been writing this for a year!  
I didn't get a response to my previous question so I'm just going to move forward as planned. Besides, I think you all deserve an ending by now.  
So here we go-just a heads up, this one's a little dark.

* * *

_Seems weird that I'm the one saying this but you haven't texted in a while_

_Amy_

_What's the matter_

Sorry  
Were you worried

_No_

Of course not

_You're not using your punctuation very effectively_

I dont feel lik it

_Are you drunk?_

Maybe

_Are you like out at the bar with everyone?_

No. im at home

_Alone?_

Maybe.

_Amy.  
Come on._

_Are you okay?_

So now you're asking

_You used an apostrophe, now we're getting somewhere_

Stop making fun of me

_Okay, I'm sorry. I was just trying to do get on your case. I miss our fights._

Wow, shwoing emotions. Not very rosa

_You're drunk_

Maybe

_Stop it. Why are you drunk and alone?_

What do you think? too of the most importnt people in my life r in jail and probably never getin out

_We're going to get out of here_

How do you know that

_Because we always figure this shit out_

Well its been weks and weve come up with zero zilch nada nothing

_That just means you're not there yet, it doesn't mean it won't happen_

Thanks Oprah

_You take that back  
Amy  
I was joking_

Sorry

_Are you still drinking?_

Mayb

_Okay, I think you should stop now_

Sure mom

_Look I can't say I've never self-medicated before but I've always had a safety plan. Do you have a safety plan?_

Like bars on the wndow

_Now you're making me worry_

So it taks me gettin drunk 4 you to care

_You're past drunk. It sounds like you're wasted. I think you should call someone and have them come over_

Why should i

_You need to be safe._

why

_Amy_

What

_Call someone and have them come over._

Why

_Stop making this hard_

Right my life is so hard while you and jake re in jail

_Amy it's not a contest, if you feel like shit you feel like shit, but it's just going to feel shittier in the morning if you don't get help._

Your gonna be so mebarrsed about this tomorrow

_Whatever  
Look if I had Sarge's number I'd call him but I don't so I can't, so either call him or someone or give me his number so I can_

Im fine

_Amy Santiago, give me Sarge's number._

Wow, use my full name. now of curse I have to listen.

_You're making this so hard_

Fine, heres Terry's number, but only bcause if you call him hell say its fine i dony need him

_Thank you. Finally._

_I texted sarge. He's on his way_

Its like midnight or something

_It's past two am._

_Let me know when he gets there  
Amy_

_Amy_


	23. Chapter 23

I am SO sorry about last night.

_Don't be sorry  
How are you feeling?_

I don't think I've ever been this hungover.  
I honestly can't remember much about last night. I just read the text messages. I feel like an idiot.

_I mean you kind of were being an idiot  
But I get it_

_Are you going to delete them?_

Why?

_No reason_

Are you embarrassed at how nice you were to me?

Don't worry, I'm pretty embarrassed about how I behaved, so I wasn't going to keep them.

_Did sarge come over?_

He did. I'm glad you called him.  
So thank you.  
He dumped out all my alcohol though.

_Good  
I didn't know you kept so much around_

I don't. I went to the liquor store after work.

_Liquor store?_

Fine, I went to the alcohol section of Whole Foods.

_You should have someone take you home at night so you don't do that again_

Are you being sarcastic?

_Did my punctuation give it away?_

I actually laughed. It's been a while.

_Glad I could help_

You're being so sweet.

_No I'm not. Suck it._

And the moment's gone.


	24. Chapter 24

Holy moly! I'm so sorry for the long wait. I promise I'll finish this. Just a few more scenes to go. Not sure if I'm happy or sad about that.

* * *

_How are you doing?_

You don't have to keep checking up on me, you know. I'm not going on another bender anytime soon.

_Good to know. Bye_

Wait, don't go. We can still talk if you want.

_Okay, what do you want to talk about?_

Well, how's life?

_I mean, I'm still here_

Right, sorry…

_Is something up?_

What do you mean?

_Strategic use of punctuation._

Okay, you got me.

_Well?_

I don't know if I should say anything. I don't want to get your hopes up.

_My hopes haven't been up since third grade._

That makes me sad.

_It's not sad. It's pragmatic_

If you say so.

_Well?_

So we might have a lead.

_On the case?_

Jake's been getting into trouble, but some of the stuff he's done has actually been a little helpful.

_Good old Jake._

I don't want to say anything else. I mean I still shouldn't be talking to you at all.

_But you are_

_I mean you are right?_

Of course. I gotta go now, though. Take care okay?

_Sure_


	25. Chapter 25

Charles wanted me to update you on the Arlo situation.

_What Arlo situation?  
Is he okay?_

Sorry, poor choice of words. I just mean Charles wanted to let you know he's still doing okay but he misses you.

_While I'm sure that's accurate, how is Charles able to tell?  
Never mind, his brain is inexplicable._

Great use of that word.  
Hey, have you finally been using the library?

_Maybe_

What are you reading?

_The dictionary_

Ha ha, very funny

_I'm not joking_

Why are you reading the dictionary?

_Because all the other books are those Amish romances or graphic novels about superheroes_

You were never very into superheroes, were you?

_I mean vigilante justice is dope in theory but in real life it's just a bunch of idiots getting in over their heads_

Have you ever had to deal with that?

_Well, that one guy_

Please don't remind me about that one guy

_Too late_

Well, thanks for that

_You're welcome_


	26. Chapter 26

_How's the case going?_

Things are heating up a little.  
I'm not going to say much, because I'm paranoid, but Sarge and Holt are going to visit you soon with details.

_Dope_

I have to go now.  
Take care okay?

_Sure_


	27. Chapter 27

How'd the visit go?

_It sure took them long enough._

I can't comment on that, I have no control.

_I know_

Did you tell them you were upset?

_No  
But they said they wanted to help so I gave them a bunch of stuff to do_

Like what?

_Like cancelling my subscriptions and stuff  
And then they're coming back to tell me how it went_

Interesting use of your time with them.

_Yeah well they'll be coming back and we'll catch up then_

Okay.  
Wait.  
Did you just ask them to do that so they have an excuse to come back and see you?

_Maybe  
Don't tell them  
It'll be funnier if they don't know_

I don't know if I want to be an accessory to this.

_I won't tell anyone_


	28. Chapter 28

Things are getting pretty intense.

_Yeah_

How'd it go with Hawkins?

_It was kind of fun actually_

You fantasized about breaking through the glass and suffocating her with your bare hands, didn't you?

_It was glorious_

Try to keep a low profile. I don't want you getting in trouble while this is going down.

_So what's all going down?_

I don't want to say too much.  
it feels like she has eyes everywhere.

_Oh yeah, I know that feeling  
We had to have one of our undercover meetings in a carwash._

Wow.  
But, like, you were in the car, right?

_…yes_

Okay, Ms. Strategic Use of Punctuation, does that ellipsis indicate that you don't know why I asked that because it's a given, or because you actually were not in the car and avoiding saying so?

_Wouldn't you like to know_

ROSAAAAA

_Ha ha_

You suck.

_Likewise._

Okay I gotta go now, but we're coming back to this at some point. I'm not letting you off that easy.  
Take care okay?

_Sure_


End file.
